Jakentology.

Jake taking a shower with the water hose.

Jake Mother F*@%ing Self.

For those of you who don't know Jake Self is well; a very special person. I mean sure he has a big head and he is goofy looking but he is one rad dude and he just doesn't give a F*ck! No matter what anyone says, whether if it's one of his good friends or what the wonderful facts on wikipedia has to say, in his mind he is always right. He is chubby, tattooed, and has come up with words or phrases that in his mind are legit which I am going to be sharing with you today for you to decide for yourself if he is right. Who knows where or how he acquired this thought to be knowledge? Was he born with it? Did he get it from growing up in K-town (thats Keithville for all you squares)? Who knows? But without further a due here it is, all the Jakeisms I can think of and any of his teachings of Jakentology. Enjoy!!

1. He says prune instead of prude. (none of his friends or family corrected him until we found out a couple of  years ago when he used the word) sentence- Man that girl is one stuck up PRUNE!

2. He says sym-on-nym instead of syn-on-nym. Not because he thought he was right but just because he couldn't get his mouth to say the words.

3. He has said  tele-kin-ekis instead of tele-kin-esis. Once again just because he couldn't pronounce the right word.

4. Apparently it's a pot-lock and not a pot-luck. There is no rational thought to people bringing pots of food and there being luck in what people bring. but instead that people bring their pots of food to the pot lock and you lock them into the table. * No one has yet agreed with him on this matter.

5. It's woof instead of whiff. sentence- Hey man, did you just fart? cuz I think I caught a WOOF of it.

6. It's pench intead of pinch. sentence- Want to see my new dog?? Well what kind of dog is it?? He is a doberman penscher.

7. It's lower tab not lortab. The reason for this one is that when you take them, they make you get LOOOOOOOW.

8. He says pexi-glass and instead of plexi-glass. This one is just easier to pronounce.


9. Apparently his head is so big because his brain is sooooo huge. You know how they say most people only use 10% of their brains? Well jake is running on and using about 80%. If we could look into his brain and know all of the things he knows our brains would just melt.

10. If all of this sounds dumb to you well then you must be the dummy! Its not because you know you are right and think he doesn't know what he is talking about. It's because Jake is on a whole other level than all of us and we are beneath him and can't comprehend his way of thinking and all of his thoughts.

If you wish to change your ways of stupidity and learn to become as rad and amazing as he is, then you must find him and beg him to show you the path to greatness. He will be more than happy to share with you all of his teachings and ideas.

Ps. The new AMC show about zombies called The Walking Dead comes on tonight at 9!!!!
   Check back in late tonight or in the morning for a review on the first episode of the show from Jake himself.
-Dyl.